The Cause of Crime: from the perspective of a professor

The first paragraph of this essay needs to be jam-packed with information. A good introduction to a paper provides an attention grabbing opening, a thesis,and a short summary of what will be covered in paragraphs to come. This introduction had none of the above. The thesis "The three factors that were blamed for creating criminals are the environment, genetics, and theself"is the only factual based sentence in the entire paragraph and even that should be a little more detailed. This paragraph needs more info, and as Fulwiler would say, needs limiting.

The next few paragraphs improve significantly from the lackluster introduction but still lack limitation. For example, the opening of the second paragraph "From the day someone is born until the time of their death, this individual must have interactions with the world through different methods" is extremely vague. These paragraphs also lack proper citing, the book is mentioned but no page numbers. This essay is clearly set up in the typical high-school 5 paragraph format, but as a college student, moreinformation is required, try adding a few more paragraphs by expanding on genetics or the criminals ability to feel regret for another paragraph or two. You could even try to find one more example in the reading to further back up your thesis.

The final paragraph is entirely too short. There is no way upwards of five paragraphs could be summarized in three short sentences. Compare your new, information packed intro and try to mirror the information in the conclusion paragraph.

Overall, I would give this student a C-/D+. The student clearly researched and attempted to complete the assignment, but the paper lacks a complex structure and is starved of information. A more complete introduction and conclusion, and the insertion of more facts and another key point in the body of the essay would greatly benefit the overall validity of this paper.